This past week as I prepared to host Soul Garage, I pondered on the state of Relationships, and how many of us – thanks to the information overload on the internet – are quick to point fingers and even label our exes when a relationship comes to an end.

I thought about my own life which had been characterized by cycles of rejection. And how, the one thing I longed for in a relationship was unshakable and unwavering acceptance.

My deep need for loyalty was demonstrated in my own ability to display loyalty.

My relationship with my mother had been strained from childhood. I cried “daddy” never “mummy.” It has always been easier for me to connect with a father-figure than a mother-figure.

When I look back, this explains why the need for protection has been my definition of a relationship.

Did I tell you; I had been criticized for being ‘kiherehere’ and almost all my life which had been about fighting to break barriers, I would hear, “she doesn’t listen,” “she talks too much,” “she’s proud”… the list goes on and on.

That’s how society and our family systems define a girl with a strong personality.

Now, no matter how hard you try, these words will get to you, and begin to bite your self-esteem.

Why am I talking about this? Because you bring all of you into a relationship.

You bring your unmet needs, your wounded self-esteem, your family background, and your life experiences to a relationship.

As we get into the month of love, maybe it’s time to shift focus and interrogate where we came from, how we were raised, and how our upbringing affected us and our expectations in relationships.

Can I tell you, as justifiable as my expectations were (and maybe still are), it’s impossible for any human being to be the Unchanging Protector who will Celebrate and Appreciate me to cover every deficiency of my past.

That’s the part, where we must seek to find healing and then Align our Relationship with Our Creator.

Every aspect of your life will be affected by your Alignment – spirit, soul, body.

My name is Judy Mzungu Jabali. I am a Kingdom Life Coach© and Founder of The ReAlignment Solution ©.

I guide individuals towards healing, finding their Identity and living wholesome and fulfilling lives.Safari Njema!