I must admit, I had defined myself by my family, by my job, and now marriage.

The family I came from might not have had much, but I have a strong sense of loyalty; and the sense of togetherness defined me.

I loved my days of strategizing, breaking ground and closing deals. I enjoyed the thrill of breaking barriers and taking territory.

I had longed for a sense of belonging, and marriage seemed to answer that question.
Sadly, our family unity did not hold, I lost my job, and I struggled with a certain dimension of my marriage.

Friends, as tragic as that might seem, it was the time I really found Judy.
Something within me had to die.

Die to self.

The version of Judy that found Identity in Family had to die.
The version of Judy that found Identity in a Job had to die.
The version of Judy that found Identity in Marriage had to die.
I had to learn to lose attachment.

You see, many times when you are battling with an inner emptiness, you tend to clutch on to external things for stability and identity.

I had to learn to find ME outside the definition of these external things.
I had to learn Total Dependence on God.
I had to learn to find and experience the Love of God.
I was literally stripped of everything.
To find Him.
To find Love.
To find Rest.

And then He healed me, and taught me to love – without attachment.
He taught me to pour myself – and expect nothing in return.
He taught me Selfless Love.
He had emptied me to fill me.
And when I had learnt, he brought back my family.
He taught me true forgiveness and helped me to understand that Love is Service.

He taught me unconditional love that would hang on despite the human failings of my significant other.

Am still learning….but while I am at it, I am committed to doing my best to love on others – then be willing to walk away, or let them walk away – when my work is done.

I share all this, because I know, just like me, many of you are wounded by people you served. Family, friends and associates from whom you expected gratitude.

I have learnt, like Jesus, to feed the 5,000 – and then let them go – hopefully, having been edified by whatever version of you that they were able to imbibe.

I have learnt to reduce my expectations of man. And that has enabled me to love and serve others.

Finding your True identity is really about holding a funeral for the old version of you; it’s about allowing some things to die – so that the True you can blossom.

It’s about removing your Identity from Things and Associations, and being true to Yourself.

John 15:11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. Safari Njema!